| Posted: Long Distance Relationships
These are some suggestions put together by considerate people reading my site or who answered my call for their advice on Long Distance Relationships. It's always hard, especially when one is leaving for college where the experience is tough in itself. Here's a few ideas to make it a little better on both you and your significant other.
1) Communicate
Even though you may not have free long distance, or a phone battery that lasts more than 7 hours, do not worry. Make sure that you communicate with your significant other (but don't forget your parents too. They are paying!) There is also no excuse for no communication (so the whole "I can't call you because I don't have the money" is not an excuse). The U.S Postal Service does happen to serve all American Citizens and believe me, it's fun to get what I call "Snail Mail". Hand written, preferably, letters are an excellent way to keep in touch. Email, Instant Messaging, and the normal phone are other ways of communication.
2) Do Not Jump To Conclusions
Just because you/they are gone, that doesn't mean that your other is cheating on you when he/she doesn't pick up the phone or answer an email an hour later. If you have your JUSTIFIED suspicions then you have every right to talk about it. You DO NOT have the right to yell and scream because you THINK that he/she is lying, or cheating or doing something bad. You don't know, you're far away. Talk about it. "When you ASSUME you make and ASS out of U and ME"
3) Pray (Sorry to the non-religious)
No matter who you pray to, talk to someone/thing that isn't there. You will never hear "You are stupid!" or "Just Dump him!". You will hear what you want to hear and that always makes you feel better. It will also clear your mind and help you concentrate on what you are really there for: your school work. Meditate, if you don't believe in a higher power. Anything to calm you.
-Here are some links to help you out if it comes down to meditating-
learning to meditate 1
learning to meditate 2
4) You have to want it to work
You need to want the relationship to work, if it's gonna work. Now that sounds obvious but coming from experience, it's much harder than you think. I'm not trying to discourage, but you do need to be aware of the fact that it's more a challenge then one expects. The desire to stick to your significant other needs to be there. If it isn't, you'll find your eyes wandering to others of the opposite gender. Not good.
5) Talking on the phone is good...sometimes better than in person.
I'm talking about good conversations, not fights. Because you can't see the person, you cannot have a fake conversation. What I mean by fake is the usual "You look nice." - "Thanks" - "What to you want to do?" - "Whatever you want to do". No, because you cannot see the person, physical things do not matter. Instead you talk about more intellectual things, mental capabilities (academics, extracurricular activities), your likes and dislikes. You get to know each other better just because you cannot see them.
6) All Relationships are different
You need to remember that there are no rules to long distance relationships. That is why you have to set them. Don't be overprotective: YOU CANNOT SEE A GIRL!! NO BAD BAD BAD BOYFRIEND!! Nah, you don't want to be like that. Instead try a more backdoor approach. "Don't cheat ok?" Everyone knows cheating is bad, and if you say it in a joking manner, everything rolls smoothly. Also, depending on the couple personality, these suggestions might not apply.
7) Keep conversations down to earth
"I love you more than anyone ever loved anything. I love you I love you I love you" Hearing that every 30 seconds is charming for the first week. Then it gets on your nerves. You want the spark still there and being repetitive is a sure way of dousing your spark with water. Talk about things interesting. College life, different classes, your future (with your significant other included). Make sure the interest is still there. It's easy to lose sight of something that has moved away.
8) Sometimes the worst is the best
Saying goodbye is sometimes the best solution. If the commitment isn't there on either side, then it is usually not a good idea to be together. Even if you don't feel like keeping it going, and he/she does, you may not want to hurt them but think about it. What would happen when he/she found out that you moved on without his knowing, or what he would think when you start yelling at him/her for no reason because you just don't want to be there. Saying goodbye has it's time.
9) Don't spend all your free time trying to talk to him/her
Although it may seem like the logical thing to do because if you don't he/she will "stray away" and probably "end up cheating on you", don't fall into this trap. The only outcome is that you and your other will get sick of each other (that rhymed). If your other has cheated on you, then it was planned from the beginning and there was nothing you could have done about it. He/she was going to cheat on you anyway. If it happens, then fine. There are many other BETTER fish in the sea (excuse the cliche). So spend time with your new dorm-mate or your new service group friends. Whatever the case, do not over do it on the communication. There is a saying "Absense makes the heart grow fonder"
10) Distance is not the end of a relationship
That is, if the relationship is based on mutual respect, commitment, truth and of course, love. If it's based on Sex, then I'm sorry my friend, but this is not for you.
11) There is a light at the end of the tunnel
Or at least you can create one. Take the time to point out the day you are coming home to see your other. This creates hope or like I said, "a light at the end of the tunnel" You can count down to this day. Even though it may seem hard and very long, eventually (thank God time does not stop), the numbers will fall and soon you'll be saying "I get to see him/her TOMORROW!"
12) It's ok to drift apart
I'll be honest. It's totally natual! The only intimacy you can have is over the phone or the internet or the US Postal Service and intimacy is what every human wants. You may be the "perfect match" but because everyday happening affect you (and your other), you (and your other) are not in close proximity to adapt to these changes. This will result in the changing of a personality or a slight change in attitude. It's not 100% "OMG THIS IS GOING TO HAPPEN!" but it is a fair warning that it is possible. Do not let the thought "We are going to PULL THIS OFF!!!" blind you to the possiblities.
-More to come later-
Thanks to the following people for their contributions!!!
OostaceoO
monkeygurly
strawberryshortcake7487
duragon_mikado
tea_water
xmishZz
sushiee
If you have the time, thank them! =)
If you are willing to spend money on this kind of thing, here is a link for you!
http://www.sblake.com/index.phtml | 
